I love seeing medical articles with photographs depicting period cramps like this
when it actually feels more like
Earlier today, I served as the “young woman’s voice” in a panel of local experts at a Girl Scouts speaking event. One question for the panel was something to the effect of, "Should parents read their daughter’s texts or monitor her online activity for bad language and inappropriate content?"
I was surprised when the first panelist answered the question as if it were about cyberbullying. The adult audience nodded sagely as she spoke about the importance of protecting children online.
I reached for the microphone next. I said, “As far as reading your child’s texts or logging into their social media profiles, I would say 99.9% of the time, do not do that.”
Looks of total shock answered me. I actually saw heads jerk back in surprise. Even some of my fellow panelists blinked.
Everyone stared as I explained that going behind a child’s back in such a way severs the bond of trust with the parent. When I said, “This is the most effective way to ensure that your child never tells you anything,” it was like I’d delivered a revelation.
It’s easy to talk about the disconnect between the old and the young, but I don’t think I’d ever been so slapped in the face by the reality of it. It was clear that for most of the parents I spoke to, the idea of such actions as a violation had never occurred to them at all.
It alarms me how quickly adults forget that children are people.
Apparently people are rediscovering this post somehow and I think that’s pretty cool! Having experienced similar violations of trust in my youth, this is an important issue to me, so I want to add my personal story:
Around age 13, I tried to express to my mother that I thought I might have clinical depression, and she snapped at me “not to joke about things like that.” I stopped telling my mother when I felt depressed.
Around age 15, I caught my mother reading my diary. She confessed that any time she saw me write in my diary, she would sneak into my room and read it, because I only wrote when I was upset. I stopped keeping a diary.
Around age 18, I had an emotional breakdown while on vacation because I didn’t want to go to college. I ended up seeing a therapist for - surprise surprise - depression.
Around age 21, I spoke on this panel with my mother in the audience, and afterwards I mentioned the diary incident to her with respect to this particular Q&A. Her eyes welled up, and she said, “You know I read those because I was worried you were depressed and going to hurt yourself, right?”
TL;DR: When you invade your child’s privacy, you communicate three things:
- You do not respect their rights as an individual.
- You do not trust them to navigate problems or seek help on their own.
- You probably haven’t been listening to them.
Information about almost every issue that you think you have to snoop for can probably be obtained by communicating with and listening to your child.
Part of me is really excited to see that the original post got 200 notes because holy crap 200 notes, and part of me is really saddened that something so negative has resonated with so many people.
Date a person who can name all the dwarves from The Hobbit.
If there is one thing I don’t get or like at all, it’s the whole “we’re anti feminist because feminism talks about catcalls and street harrassment”
This is iterally a thing that happens with slogans such as “stop caring about that and care about the women who get killed instead” and while I think I get the sentiment behind it (and I fully agree that a woman getting raped, killed, hit on for what she is is far worse than getting catcalled) the statement makes me so fucking angry
Just because there are people who break a leg doesn’t mean you shouldn’t disinfect a scraped knew you know?
and likewise, women aren’t only worth defending against murder. we shouldn’t have to wait until actual physical harm happens to say “what you’re doing isn’t okay, what society taught you is not okay”
when a friend tells me she had to sit beside a creep during her train ride, i don’t tell her “shut up you didn’t get raped/assaulted/killed” because that would be a disgusting thing to do, and it makes me so fucking angry that there is a movement made by women dedicated to doing just that
moreover, i don’t know if the women in this movement remember that catcalls and street harrassment and groping are the first step toward bigger, darker things
and yes, murder and domestic abuse and rape are big problems that should take a lot of focus, but actually doing something concrete about it (like fighting off a man who’s trying to beat his girlfriend, for example) that takes training. that takes knowing how to act so you don’t get hurt, so you don’t become the second casualty
fighting catcalls can take a lot of guts too, but it doesn’t require, idk, martial art training or using a gun or those kind of things
fighting street harrassment, caling people out on their invasive behavior, that’s one of the most accessible ways of changing things that we have, and even that is risky
so tell me it’s important to focus on murder, rape, assault: i’ll agree 100% with you and I’ll do what i can to help, i will
but if you try to tell me, and women in general, that we shouldn’t react when guys on the street treat us like objects, frankly, i’m going to stop listening to you pretty fucking fast
I’m at my summer house without internet, if you were wondering why I’ve been so quiet. (using the EXTREMELY SLOW internet on my phone to post this)
Närcon was absolutely amazing, I’m just sad it seemed to end so quickly. But I’ve met EatYourKimchi and I think I’m still riding in that high, cause the post con sadness is much less prominent than usual. I got to hang out with awesome friends and meet the Danes again (danskarna!!). The past few days I’ve gotten much needed beauty sleep and I’ve been listening to kpop on max volume.
I’ll be back to internet (and work… >_>) next week, see you then!